its been a while...but i'm not coming back..

hmm... this summer has been very eventful i must say...what haven't i encountered??!! stupid group mates in school,endless projects,partying,getting my frnds drunk,montreal,the beach,break up,sad times..blogging... infact the list is endless...
i know i have no justification for being MIA.. but so much has happened.. and i shall cram all into one post...well.. i'ld try...where do i even start from? ok.. if i can't fit all in one post i'ld break them all accordingly... see i wanted to save you guys the random blog post..and give you guys real jist instead...so i might as well keep quiet until i have something abi??
ok so y'all rmbr a very sad period i went through abi? the break up? well.. i'm glad to say im quite over it,.. it seems wierd cuz months ago.. i felt like shit...but now i feel better honestly...ok so i know the break up was real bad .. but the ex and i are pretty much on talking terms now..we spoke about everything and how it happened,why i broke up with him cuz i felt he was just being a small boy and cannot handle the reponsibilities that comes with dating.He was honestly the first guy from my age group i've ever dated..and now i realise it was quite unfair to compare him to my previous relationships because i was his first gf and he was absolutely clueless on what to do...sometimes love isnt just enough... a guy can love you.. but its not enough to make a relationship last.Enough deep talks have passed through us.. i admit i was quite jealous of his new girl...but now im just calm about it..he talks to me that they are unofficial and he doesn't know.. i tell him to give it a try... u can never have what we had together with her but u might at least try..you need to go out there and experience other relationships to fully understand why i let you go even when it hurt..and why i'm not coming back...He goes on and say how i ignored him at the beach...i tell him i was sick and cranky cuz my eyes got swollen on alabukun..he comments how sexy i looked in the bikini.. and i blush..i'm like its cool dude.. i hold no grudge against u.. i have a man now i absolutely care about.. he is all i can ask for in a man right now.. and i hope thats how your gf is to you.he replies confused and uncertain.."ühhh i dnt think so.."
"newaiz...me and the crew are hanging out on saturday..go karting and then a movie at my place..feel free to come over" he replies "sure ild make it.. my sis's bridal shower is that day.. but ild come over"
that day comes... im frazzeled as shit maen... dats bcos i have like 10 people in my house... somehow the news spread that i was hosting.. and lets say people love my cooking and decided to show up... i make fried rice and some chicken.. my frnd helps with the alcohol.. shots are gulped down..people are dancing to songs on gbedufiva and the guys are moving my tv and getting the movie stuff sorted out...
the ex comes in.. i give him a brief hug.. i'm glad you could make it... i notice he is wearing the jacket i got for him on his birthday..hmm..(dats wierd)
they all decided to watch a horror movie.. the unborn..you see i don't do horror movies.. so i kept my lil ass in the kitchen and was watching the chicken....he comes over and holds me...
"arent you watching the movie with us?"
"nah maen,... i dnt do horror movies and you know that, i'ld rather wait for the next movie,besides.. i gotta watch this shit on the fire"
is it just me or is the tingling feeling i get when im close to him gone?wierd... just wierd!!
hours later.. they play another movie this one i decided to watch.. he is trying to engage in small talk with me...i'm a bit tipsy from the caramel shots and punch so i'm not really concentrating on what he was saying...
2.30am : movie is over..i look around the sitting room...everyone's knocked out!!! thats what you get with a punch that has a whole bottle of bacardi rum in it..the ex taps his friend to wake up so they leave..
"can't you see he is drunk?? the guy had half a bottle of jack daniel!! let him sleep jo" i tell him
"no dnt worry!! i'ld drive he should wake up jo!! i want to go home" he replies
his raised voice wakes most ppl up.. and people start to leave in groups..ppl hopping into thier cars and leaving..
his friend wakes up.. cranky as hell... and is like ok lets go...
the ex is out the door when i quickly rmbr i still have some of his personal stuff i had packed with intentions of giving him back.. i tell him and i rush up the stairs..to get it.. and he follows me..
i hand him the bag and he sees the teddy bear.." why are you giving this to me?"
" cuz i dnt need them and i think its wrong for me to keep them.you should have them"
" i feel insulted, i wore this jacket to show you how cool we wer and stuff and now you are returning all my gifts?"
" its no big deal honestly, i just dnt feel right keeping them..our relationship was a lie.. mostly from your part.. and i dnt like to keep souvernieurs of that kinda stuff"
he looks at me intensely." all that stuff i said to you during our break up was wrong.. i just said them to hurt you like you hurt me.. i truly did love you.. i still do"
i look at him with a raised eyebrow ...trying to play it cool... im like " oh well..you should still take.." his friend yells "lets go now!!!! ive woken up and now u dnt want to go??!!"
i sigh.. i should'nt have allowed anyone drink :( " im talking to her give us a sec pls"he replies
" no ohh.. lets go now now" his frnd yells... i go downstairs to meet the friend " why are you shouting?? my housemates are sleeping naw!!!" i go outside and my ex comes to join us
his friend is in the car and i hug the ex... "thnx for coming i say"...in mid sentence he kisses me
i do not respond!!! i repeat!!! i did not respond!!!!
he was like.. we need to talk.. hops in the car and leaves....
i go inside.. sigh at the messy kitchen and living room... i'ld sort that tmw...
i go upstairs...he still left his stuff...!!! what is this guy up to i ask my self?... well... you wanna find out? thats for my next post!!! you would'nt believe what happened........
xoxo